Nostalgia

Deviating from my usually analytical style, I went through some of my old blogging accounts, reading old posts and looking at how the level of my writing has changed over the years.However, I came across an old post with this picture in it (the one you see to the left), and this weird feeling of nostalgia came over me, as well as reading through the comments once more. Most of the people that looked at it originally thought I had just taken it from some random website, but no. My midterm final in high school, before our winter break, 2010, we were required to make a still life, and that had always been my forte when it came to art (and actually, replicating things usually seems to be what I'm good at).

The original image I used as the centre of my focus was an image was a PNG from aethereality.net, a full rose including its stem and leaves. As you can see, I clearly disregarded those features in this imitation for the scale I decided to sketch it at deemed it impossible. Nonetheless, it turned out very satisfactory to my taste, what do you think? (you can click the image itself for a larger view)

On the other hand, I randomly decided to blog today just for the heck of it, not that there's really anything too terribly exciting to blog about at the moment. Rather than spending my entire afternoon doing daft things by myself at home, I decided to accompany my family to my niece's birthday party that we were invited to at the last minute. Wasn't really comfortable there considering I don't really talk to that cousin, and thus, other than just my intermediate family members, I didn't know anyone there at all. Although I did have to admit, the food was rather delicious.

...but I digress. And Filipino food is always delicious (except when it's not...).

My friend invited me to this bioethics seminar this coming Tuesday (and friend who I will not reveal the name of online, you know who you are). I don't know whether to look forward to it or be absolutely terrified. I mean, for the ethics part, I pretty much know what most would say and question about certain situations, but then, an entire seminar of just repeated ideologies and theories over and over again would make me much more unwilling to stay. On the other hand, the subject has always intrigued me and what others have to say about it, so my internal debate continues. In all honesty though, I'd probably end up going anyway, seeing as how I don't ever have anything extremely productive to do during the evenings, and that would fill up a good chunk of my time with something I'm interested in.

That's pretty much it, lest I find something else slightly intriguing to write about. Til next time.

An Obtuse Hybrid

I am now roughly three to four weeks into my semester (because I’m a bit too much of a lazy ass right now to actually check for accuracy) and I’ve come to the realisation of something extremely weird.

First, allow me to introduce my current circumstance. I’m currently enrolled in 16 units this semester along with 27 hours in my work schedule per week. Going by this, along with that common recommendation given to one that explains that it is very much helpful for every hour you’re in class, another 1-2 hours outside of class (on your own time) should be devoted to studying for these hours, 59-75 hours of my week is solely devoted to school and work, not including sleep, and of course, whatever remainder, as meagre of an amount as it may be, is my “free time”. You’d think I’d be dead by now, and you may be right to some extent, because I don’t know if I’m completely alive or not anyway (though this opens one up to too many philosophical or existential interrogations, so we shall deviate from this topic appropriately).

A good bulk of my classes are scheduled on Monday. I don’t remember my exact reasoning for having my schedule originally like this other than the fact that perhaps I thought it would be a good idea to get a good amount of my classes out of the way in the beginning of the week and then I would have an easy rest of the week, leading to a relaxing and stress-free weekend. One of my classes is online this semester, which is also taking a bit of getting used to, probably because this is my first experience having a class that did not physically require my presence, and it’s a bit disconcerting but also a bit liberating in the fact that I get to choose when I do the coursework at any point before the scheduled deadlines.

The problem with that single online course that I am now feeling the stress of is the fact that because I have that disconnect from a physical class setting, I tend to put off the class work until hours right before its due, which in this case, is usually Sunday right before Monday. Couple that with my four classes (one of which is my three hours lab) on Monday, and I’ve managed to become even more sleep deprived than I have been the last 7 years of my life.

So what’s up with the really vague blog title?

Well, here’s the thing. I am completely worn out, I am constantly getting frustrated that even with me driving separately from my brother so I don’t have to go to school at 7:30 am every morning just for parking, I am still barely getting to my first class on time. I am even more frustrated with the fact that even before my current school schedule, I am working the same amount of hours that I did last semester, but I’ve had to spread it out to even more days because of said schedule, and thus, even more time and money lost because I’m having to drive to work one more day than usual.

But I am more relaxed and happier than I’ve ever been.

Even more so, it’s weird that with the level of courses I’m taking this semester, I am only tired because of the fact that my sleep is lacking and the work is numerous, not necessarily because the work is difficult.

I don’t know, mates. It’s an awkward feeling to say the least, “an obtuse hybrid” of emotions, as per the blog title that I came up with in probably half a second. Needless to say, I’ll take all the frustrations and stresses that I have right now, because it’s better than being bored out of my mind, or being completely frustrated because I’m finding my coursework difficult.

Outdated

So in an attempt to say that I actually have a partially legitimate excuse for not having written on this thing for so long, apparently I’d been away for such a length amount of time that I did not realise that the program I used (Windows Live Writer) was now defunct when in use with Blogger, and thus, when I actually attempted to resurrect it yesterday, I was unable to sign in.

Fortunately, with the help of my best friend Google, I was also able to find out that because of the now unsupported stature of the program, it has also been outsourced, and the new developers handling the project have found a work around that works perfectly. Thus, I am back to making the same false promise that I’ll be updating more often.

Back to more important things.

ACADEMICS

It has literally been over a year since my last post and I want to take the time to perhaps ponder on the fact in what substantial growths I’ve gone through.

Before this post, back in 2014, I’d been subject to the horrible effects of lack of motivation, and so my academic level had seriously reduced at that point. I’m proud to to say that I’ve regained said motivation and now consistently getting more than satisfactory marks in all my current classes. Actually, my upcoming semester starts tomorrow and It is very unusual for me to feel this motivated about it, but I suppose there could be much worse things. In addition to my Biochemistry degree (which will not be completed this semester, but I’m almost there), I will be completing my English Literary Analysis minor (at least I think that’s what it’s called). I’ll also be taking the next, and most probably my last, semester of Spanish at the collegiate level. This is the class that I’m most timid about considering it’s actually a requirement for us to speak to a foreign hispanic student in their own country using their native tongue. I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet, but I suppose we’ll find out, won’t we? I’m also taking a Piano course for non-majors as an elective to somehow keep me motivated throughout, I need at least one class to kind of mellow myself out in.

SMARTPHONES

On a lesser, but probably more obsessive, note, within the time span of a little over a year, I have gone through four different phones. No, I did not just manage to break them so quickly that I had to buy a replacement, but…well, yeah. I buy rather impulsively, and I like technology. It’d be less of a problem if technology wasn’t so damn expensive, but not much I can do about that, not that’d I’d really want to in the first place.

Nonetheless, the last time I was here, I was still sporting my beautiful LG (Google) Nexus 5 in all its glory. I don’t even think that I had upgraded it to Android 5.0 Lollipop at the time I had written my last post back in September 2014, which is kind of ridiculous.

My next phone that followed was probably the best phone that I had ever owned, the LG G3. However, despite it having the sexiest hardware that I’d seen on a phone at the time, the software, more specifically the UI (user interface) was rather cumbersome and hindering, so I ended up rooting it and installing an AOSP (Android Open-Source Project) ROM onto it. I would have kept it that way, but then Android Pay came out to replace the older Google Wallet for mobile payments, and did not work with rooted devices.

So instead reinstalling the stock ROM and just using it, I had opted to give that phone to my mother and bought from a co-worker my next phone, that being the Samsung Galaxy Note 4. Now, this was probably my shortest lived phone. I hadn’t even finished two full months with it before deciding that the larger screen size accompanied with the overall less refined bezels (than those of the G3) were just too out of hand for me, literally. Especially since I bought a case for it, it was much too larger to my preference regardless of the fact that watching videos on that thing was absolutely gorgeous. Also, while definitely improved from earlier iterations, Samsung’s signature Touchwiz UI was still much too foreign for an AOSP lover like me.

Currently, this phone is sitting in my room in pristine condition in its original box while I’m carrying the very classy Samsung Galaxy S6 on hand, and may I just say that it is by far the most powerful mobile device I’ve ever held, and not to mention, the most refined Samsung product I’ve owned yet. Opting for the 128gb variant, it’s honestly weird looking at my storage and seeing that I’ve only managed to use 20% of it so far when all my other phones, I’ve used at least 70-80% without my entire music playlist on there. In addition, it has the most minimal, rather pleasantly refined version of Touchwiz I’ve seen to date with updated icons that actually to not look completely cartoon-like in the past variants. I don’t care what anyone says either, while not practical, the back Black Sapphire glass is probably the best thing I’ve seen on the back of a mobile device. I specifically bought a case with a clear back just to show it off too.

Let’s not even talk about upcoming phones that I’m looking forward to…

HEADPHONES

I’d actually gotten into the headphone scene just a tad bit, and while I am definitely not what one would refer to as an audiophile, I do have a sharp enough ear to recognise that slightly differences between each model of headphone I get.

My first switch from the earbud territory (which a majority of it consisted of Apple earpods) came in the form of my Monster NCredible NTune On-Ear headsets. They were definitely not the most high-end pair that you could find, though Monster makes some quality products. As soon as I broke them in, I fell in love with the much more immersive experience that one would have never experienced with an Apple earpods (this is not to say that the earpods are horrible, but they are what they are). Sadly, I kept getting the lengthy cord caught against the most random corners and edges, so I had to switch.

It was then that I opted for the Bluetooth route which was perfect for me because 1) I’m not an audiophile so the distortion that comes with transmitting audio wirelessly doesn’t matter to me, 2) I have no qualms about charging another device, and the most obvious, 3) I wouldn’t have a cord to get caught all over the place. The only thing that I really needed to pay attention to was the estimated battery life. Since I would be using them at work, I wanted them to at least last throughout the entire span of my shift so I wouldn’t have to take them off and charge them. This would also eliminate the need for me to take another charger with me.

And so came my rather impulsive buy of the rather oddly designed pair of cans, though I suppose the design being partially inspired by gaming sets had something to do with it. These were the Sentey B-Trek H9 Bluetooth 4.0 headphones. Claiming to last eight hours long, my battery never actually ran dry on me to where it just died mid-song, but if the LED flashing red was any indication, that 8-hour claim was pretty accurate. However, I was a bit disconcerted with the sound quality. Then again, I should have been aware, I bought them at full retail price, and the NTunes full retail price was literally $100 more, so there wasn’t much to be expected. I did, however, misuse the hinges that allowed these headphones to be folded inward. They snapped, and thus, off to my next set.

By this point, I was a bit desperate. I wanted a good sounding pair of bluetooth headphones that also held extensive battery life, and I was willing to make a much larger investment than I had on the previous two pairs. And then, I found them. The pair that I fell in love with came in the form of the Samsung Level Over set of cans. They were perfect, despite not being Bluetooth 4.0, but that was a moot point. They even came with the active noise-cancelling feature AND had capacitive controls on the right ear pad, which just made them all the more appealing. Plus, there was a Samsung Level app on Google Play that would provide some more functionality to the sets, as well as be a rather easy to use equaliser. Bigger and bulkier, they also did not have foldable hinges, so these things were sturdy. I actually waited about a month after stumbling upon the beauties before I bought because I was waiting for one in my price range, and I finally bought them off eBay for literally double the amount I paid for my two previous pairs combined.

When they came in the male, I was so damn happy, and then I put them on and allowed myself to be immersed in a perfect music listening experience (well, not perfect, but certainly the best I’d experienced til that point). The sound was rich, crisp, and flat, well, much flatter than I heard before. Because I listened to primarily electronic music at the time, I actually had to take advantage of the app’s equaliser to tune the bass up just a bit for my liking. The active-noise cancelling actually disoriented me a bit because, since I’m used to hearing so much ambient noise, it literally felt like sound was being sucked away from my ear-canals which caused some imbalance for me. I had to turn the volume up to compensate, which was a double-edged sword because then the sound would leak a bit more than I would have liked. But the battery was out of this world. I listened to them for over 30 hours and I never once managed to drain it completely to zero.

And then they got stolen.

To whoever took my precious pair of Samsung Level Over’s,
enjoy them while you’re alive for once you die, may your soul be
consumed by the infinite depths of scorching hellfire.

I probably wasn’t as mad as I should have been, but at the same time, I had to bide my time, for I spent a good $200 on those pairs, I couldn’t just shell out another when I hadn’t even used them for a month. I hadn’t even paid the credit off.

During this transitionary period, I went back to cheaper pairs for a while, buying some earbuds such as more Apple earpods, official Wired Headsets for my S6, and a couple of cheap Bluetooth earbuds by Bluedio which were surprisingly good for how much I bought them for, but of course, I still missed the immersive experience of a true, over-ear set of cans.

After about 6 weeks, I finally found myself in a good enough shape (financially and mentally) to start my hunt for another pair again. This time, I was aiming for something cheaper because I found myself not using the active noise-cancelling feature enough for me to really put it to use. Admittedly, I would miss the capacitive functionality, but if that functionality is what made the sets so expensive, I wasn’t opposed to disregarding them.

One of the pharmacists that I’m rather close to at work said that his favourite brand of headsets was actually JBL (and he is sort of an audiophile for he is constantly buying more mixing equipment). I trusted his word over mind, and quickly found myself constantly going back to these pairs of JBL Synchros E50BTs. I finally bought them, and let me just make my verdict. They are nowhere near as bulky or sturdy as my previous Samsung sets, but still sturdy enough, nor do they feature any striking features that I could really take advantage of. They look rather plainly, almost cheaply, made with the JBL logo plastered on the set three times, and the controls on the left earcup take a bit of getting used to.

That being said, these headphones are the best pair I’ve owned to date, and they cost half of what I paid for the Level Over’s. It does not have a flat line when it comes to its sound reproduction signature, but how it is right now is absolutely perfect for me. Basses are beautifully emphasised, highs are crisp and do not distort even at higher volumes, but the mids, especially with vocals…It’s like the artist is whispering in my ear. Even with the emphasised bass and perfectly tuned highs, the vocals are all you focus on. And, while the battery life wasn’t a monster like my Level Over’s, it’s lasts me just fine for it still lasts a solid two days, a very solid and accurate comparison to the 16 hours claim on the box.

I also bought myself a pair of Samsung Level U Bluetooth earbuds for whenever I go to the gym. The on-ear sets were never meant to be used for an extensive workout, and the Level U’s are sweatproof, and they have excellent sound quality in relation to how much I paid for them. Plus, 11 hours of battery is nothing to be ashamed about.

CONCLUSION

So yeah, I figured I’d already managed to bore the reader with all the tech crap that I’d just spouted, so I’ll stop here. I didn’t quite get through everything that I wanted to say, but most of it consisted of future events anyway, like my upcoming trip to the Philippines to attend my cousin’s wedding this summer, so I suppose those can wait.

While I’m saying this mainly to myself to somehow redeem my past failures, I’ll go for a rather inclusive closing statement.

May we all have a blessed new year, and perhaps we change for the better as well.

Not letting myself fall

I simply won’t let that happen. Well, at least not in my words anyway.

Random subject, but I don’t think many people realise that like many other things, writing is a developed skill, it is not inborn talent alone. Like being able to play an instrument, to be able to experiment with words to create glorious visages in stories is the same as how a musician experiments with different patterns of notes to create wonderful ensembles.

Now, as informal as my own writing may be, I can’t let it fall behind. I don’t want to lose one of my only means of communication that I feel most comfortable with, and if I let my writing itself deteriorate, what would that mean to my own, spoken language?

Generally (and I am including myself inn this particular spectrum), people tend to write a higher level than they speak, albeit even if just a little bit and ignoring all of this chat text abbreviations. Whether or not the lack of face-to-face communication allows them to actually think before they write/type is the reason behind that, I’m not quite sure. I would hope that I am the same way, even if it’s just by a little.

I’ve actually never had a person have a grey opinion of me, meaning I’ve never had a person voice their opinion about me and were really undecided on how to place me. I’ve only ever gotten opinions that were on the far ends of the spectrum, whether that person thought that I was smart, or whether that person questioned how I got into college in the first place. Mind you, I’ve always been irked when someone blatantly expresses the latter, but I guess that’s just how it is. Not like I can change their mind once it’s made up.

But if in a hypothetical sense I had the chance to convince them otherwise, it would be through my writing, and this is why I refuse to let that part of me deteriorate.

Whether or not this is a foreshadow for more blogs to come, and at a slightly higher frequency, I can’t honestly tell you. Half the time, I’ll have my blog editor open just sitting there, blank, because, though I want to write and know that I can write about practically anything on this blog, I want it to actually mean something, and have my rambles connect, even if only loosely. I think about what I’m writing, so it doesn’t seem like random jargon put together like a collage, even though that’s how it is sometimes.

But I figured, if I wrote every single blog post like an essay, you’d get tired of seeing a horrible worded thesis statement somewhere in the midst of the first paragraph, because I apparently overcomplicate the phrasing of the points that I attempt to make.

But nonetheless, I won’t let myself fall. If I fall and lose my writing, lose my words, there’s no point in trying to get back up.

My Introversion

I typically go by Karlo, seeing as that’s my name.
Quite frankly, if you actually knew me, it’d never be the same.
My paradigms, visions, memories give shape to my progressing form.
Not yet fully developed; like the calm before the storm.

My opinions, views, and beliefs run deep, even oceans now seem shallow.
A quality world so intricate and firm, one might even consider it hallowed.
I’ll not thrust my beliefs upon you; such arrogance, my hatred burns.
But respect and tact should be common sense, through experience, I’ve learned.

I’d even create a great facade to maintain this subtle rapport.
I’d falsify my ability to rhyme in quatrains, perhaps, I’m not quite sure.
But with merely shallow simulacra, my persona can’t be defined.
No labels, archetypes, or characterizations could it ever be assigned.

Let no words gain such power to create a visage of my ever yearning spirit.
Such imperfection shan’t be perceived, let alone words ever coming near it.
Perhaps I’m over reaching the boundaries of my literary scope.
But hopefully I’ve explained, as plain as I am, that words are beautiful, I hope.

Unless you’ve met me, our only tie is pixels upon a screen.
With words, I hope I’ve shown you the “me” no one’s ever truly seen.
But even if my convoluted thoughts confused you more than intended.
The message is clear, no person is one colour, but a variety of them blended.

So with a parting note, I’ll say again, I’m Karlo, yeah, that’s my name.
Now you’ve had a glimpse of my true nature, will you still look at me the same?

---

A bit of a compulsory, but very lame poem by me in attempt to explain (in a very roundabout way) that even though I can be similar to other people you’ve talked to, I’d still never be the same as that person. Also, I can’t say this from a professional standpoint, but I typically classify myself as an introvert though I exhibit features in opposition more often than not (which is very typical I might add).

The title was actually supposed to be a pun for “My Introduction,” seeing as how I’ve never properly written an introduction about myself on his blog, but I couldn’t really find a more fitting title that combined the words “introduction” and “introversion” correctly, seeing as that’s what I was trying to express. I kept it as is, and besides, it’s not much of an introduction anyway.

Searching for the one…

Though I’ve not blatantly expressed it on this particular blog, I am what some may call a tech junky, or at least leading up to one. I wouldn’t really consider my level of knowledge involving electronics to be very superior, but I would like to think that it was at least above the average civilian’s.

Anyway.

About a week and a half ago, I began talking to a very good friend of mine again. She had moved a state away so the frequency of our conversations was hindered to horrid, and obviously, our main method of communication has been limited to online chats and/or the occasional text message (we work weird shifts, so immediate responses are somewhat rare). Of course, we got onto the topic of school starting up again, and though we had a perfectly normal conversation about our own academic paths, we got off to a slight tangent about laptops when I remembered that she had the misfortune of having her laptop stolen a couple of months further back. She began telling me about how she had saved up quite a bit of money and was now looking for one, and it was becoming a priority for her to get one because school was starting up again.

I jokingly mentioned that perhaps I should just sell her my own. Mind you, though it was in a playful manner, it would not have been completely out there for me considering I have two laptops (three, if you count the one just collecting dust, though still functional) and one desktop, though I only use one for school, a small 11.6 inch one that’s rather light on the specs themselves, but also lightweight, perfect for lugging around on a college campus.

Funny thing was, even though she knew that I meant it in such a manner, she was not opposed to the idea, which sort of surprised me. In fact, it flattered me, and even more so when she mentioned that because she knew I took pristine care of my electronics, she would rather purchase one from me than from some random seller on eBay. Lo and behold, I gave her the price I was looking for, and she agreed, the final price being well below her budget.

But the thing is, I only agreed to this because I was getting ready to upgrade. That laptop that I was getting ready to sell to her, though being my dream laptop at the time, was getting rather dated for me. Quite honestly, I’m not too big on having the latest and greatest specs (nor do I really have the monetary power to acquire them), but I find that if a laptop can’t even play Netflix videos without heating up and lagging a bit, it’s a bit weak for me.

So before I packaged the laptop up for shipping (mind you, I had to factory reset it as well as install the proper Microsoft Office software for her to use beforehand), I literally spent four days scouring and constantly refreshing eBay pages for the perfect ultrabook. For those not really into the lingo, ultrabooks are those ultra thin, portable laptops, such as thee Macbook Air.

I actually had to switch my target and range a couple of times because I was being too optimistic, and not realistic enough. I mean, come on, I was looking at a laptop originally selling for $1650, and trying to find a used one in decent cosmetic and functional condition for around the $300 range. Talk about trying to find a deal. Not to mention, I was being extremely picky (and time for me to go into my geek mode for one second). The list below shows only a couple of my prerequisites for the laptop I wanted to buy. Well, at least after I got a bit more desperate (the list was much more intricate at the beginning).

1. 11”-14” screen size only, anything bigger or smaller was a waste.
2. Solid State or Solid State Hybrid drive, no more traditional hard drives.
   (Though really, ultrabooks are usually all SSD because of how thin they are)
3. At least 128gb of hard drive space, and at least 4gb of RAM.
4. Core i3, i5, or i7 processors specifically, at least 1.5 GHz clock speed, dual core.
5. Weigh less than 3.5 lbs.
6. The chassis around the keyboard (and palm rest) had to be coloured black.
7. The outer casing colour had to be neutral/sleek. (No pink, orange, or neon green…)
8. Responsive, one button touchpad with multifinger mouse gestures.
9. If the laptop had Windows 8/8.1 installed, it had to be a touchscreen.
10. Priced at no more than $400, shipping included.

Quite frankly, the first 9 criteria listed, though some just being picky, were quite easy to fulfill. It wasn’t until we got to my pitiful budget that things started to get rough.

At first, I was looking at the Samsung ATIV Book 9 Plus, which is a damn sexy lookin’ piece of machinery. The wedged design that is most apparent when viewing it from its side is probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, and it just works for this laptop, but of course, trying to find it for less than a fourth of its price, even through bidding, was hard to find (even with its older, Windows 7 models).

Next, I dropped my standards a bit (gee, this sounds like I’m some cocky, arrogant jock rating women as they pass me by). I began looking at the Dell XPS 13. Not as posh of a design, but still quite professional looking. And. I knew for a fact that by design, Dell had received great reviews for having the most comfortable keyboards to type on. I know, I know, right now, you’re probably like, “What the hell Karlo, just get a damn laptop and be done with it!” Yeah, well, you’d be surprised just how much of these subtle issues people have with electronics are taken into account when creating these things. For example, how all of the iPhones up to date still only have that narrow-width screen because it was designed so that your thumb can reach all the way across and so you wouldn’t have to have to use your other hand while operating it.

Anyway, that one didn’t last too long either, because though I thought it was a really nice machine, it original price was still well over $1000 (I think it was around $1300-1400, but I’m not too sure), even with the older models, and so, finding it at around $400 was pushing it.

Finally, I began looking at the older Lenovo Ideapad Yoga models. Yes, the Yoga, and not the Yoga 2 (which, obviously, the 2 means a newer, more updated model).

I was actually surprised as to why I never even looked at the Lenovos themselves in the first place. Honestly, I’d always had this sort of respect for Lenovo products. Though they tended to have a more square design (meaning, with slightly more angular corners and more shaped like perfect boxes), because of this, they tend to be much more durable, which they have a history for being reliable. Afterall, they were IBM. Perhaps it was because they tended to be sold at a higher price given the specs of each individual machine, but at the same time, I always looked at the most current, advertised models, and never the older ones that still worked perfectly fine.

So skipping forward a bit, I finally did manage to buy a laptop, though more by sheer luck than anything. I found this one listing for a price listed at much more than my budget, but I put in an offer for literally $50 less than that list price. (It must have seemed like a random price to the seller, but with the calculated shipping from eBay, it turned out to be $400 even). They miraculously agreed to the absurd price drop, but perhaps it was due to the fact that they were a new user trying to build up their positive rating (the user had absolutely no ratings whatsoever, not even as a buyer).

The laptop model I got was the Lenovo Ideapad Yoga 11S (the S matters, because the 11 by itself is a much weaker model, but looks identical on the outside, and you have to read the specs to know which is which). At first, I wasn’t really into the whole 360 degree rotating of the screen, but I’ve found it nice every once in a while, though I don’t think I’d find myself using it all too much.

And finally, here’s how my desktop looked like a mere three hours since the laptop itself arrived on my doorstep.

Perhaps I just got a bit obsessive with personalising it with school that it’s completely ready for all the note-taking and email receiving as well as all the document editing that needs to be done for my classes. Now perhaps I can utilise this preparedness for some actual productivity. You know, like making sure all the work gets in on time, making sure the material is learnt properly, etc.

And perhaps I should actually sleep at past 2:00 am in the morning rather than typing out pointless, ridiculously lengthy blog posts.

Note: The wallpaper used in the screenshot was not created or edited by me whatsoever. I take no credit for it and all rights go to the original creator.

Re-piqued Interest, Lexicon

Admittedly, I would have probably been the first to admit that perhaps this online journal of mine was abandoned ages ago, yet for some reason, here I am, writing another post. You know, those rare, once in a blue moon posts that just happen to find themselves on here from time to time. In all honesty though, it’s more than likely that not many people will be reading this, but there’s this certain solace I find when writing as if I were talking to some unknown audience, just to have them listen (or in this case, read) without receiving an immediate response, whether it have been positive or negative.

Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say that this was my form of venting, though I’m not even sure that would be the word to describe what I’m doing.

I digress.

As you can see (yes you, the random person I’m talking to who magically stumbled upon my page) I’ve finally managed to make my page look a little bit more formal. Frankly, I find it a bit overkill for a blog, but there’s just something about minimalistic/gradient-flowing/shaded designs that I find appealing. However, I will admit that I had turned lazy. Originally, my plan had been to reopen my long, dormant Photoshop and design my own layout, and then look up the countless tutorials to study the HTML/XML codes for blogger templates to fit my own needs, but lo and behold, it took up way too much time and effort for me to do so. I did in fact make a header image…a rather generic one that would be deemed more appropriate for some Photoshop resource site, but I never actually finished it. So that’s less than 50% of the work right there (I never even bothered to look at the coding for all the widgets involved and such).

And then life took most of my time again. I didn’t go on vacation this summer, opting to temporarily work full-time hours at my current job (yes, I have one of those now) to earn a little more spending cash in the case that I feel that I want (read: need) to spend it relentlessly when school starts up again. Now, a mere week before classes commence and that I’m finalising my off days with a more appropriate end note, I decided that it would be interesting to see what I’d written on here before.

Surprisingly though, I’m quite impressed with what I’d written before. Though this seems daft to mention, rereading my other posts, I can’t help but think that they’re just so…me.

Of course, I wrote them, so why wouldn’t they be, right?

But I can see the evolution of my own mannerisms and persona through the words alone. I was foolish back then (hell, I still am right now), but I’ve grown somewhat. It seemed as though I was creating a facade that I was this supposedly intellectual individual with highly admirable viewpoints on certain issues, not hesitating to back them up whatsoever. The truth is, it was honestly just me trying to find some subject to write about that would supposedly get others to talk to me, as minimal as those exchanges of words may have been. I used the internet as a cloak, a veil, and my own words as a weapon, to where I expressed an idea in such a manner that unless one honestly thought and pondered on it for more than a moment, they couldn’t help but automatically assume that this person had as least some brains within them.

What I mean to say is that I’m constantly in the stage of epiphany, even when it comes to my own identity. And all this discovery coming from rereading those words that came from myself a few months ago? Words are more powerful than I ever dreamed.

One of the posts (here) I reread was a ramble of me switching subjects almost every other paragraph, talking about friendship, language, self-expression, as well as an array of a few other subjects. It even started out with, what I thought was cool at the time, a lame intro sentence: “And as the threshold between yesterday and today is surpassed, here I am, once again, wondering what this next set of twenty-four hours will have to offer me.”

Sometimes, when you’re trying to sound more eloquent, you seem to completely disregard your own personal literary limits, and your words just sound stupid, but you don’t realise until much, much later. In this case, it’s taken me two and a half years to do so.

My point with that post is that (and I’m totally not stealing this from James Joyce or anything) it was definitely some rudimentary form of stream of consciousness writing from moi, and I didn’t even know what that was at the time. As primitive as it was, there was a certain flow to the words that only I seemed to familiarise with because they originally came from me, but how did I even see it?

And that’s when it finally came to me.

It didn’t matter that my writing was (and probably always will be) a bit random and childish at the time. Personal psychology makes up for it, we always try to make sense of something when it seems as though we can connect to it somehow, and how did I connect?

With words, and nothing but.

So that’s my final note, as well as my explanation as to why I finally changed the title of this blog. Before, I tried to make the title sound cool by adding some weird tagline that alluded to my username (or the one associated with this blog, at least: DarkHybridx). Aesthesia was a form of feeling, sensual, and sometimes eliciting certain emotions, and I tried to get that across.

Now, I’m reverting to the most primitive form of expression there is, disregarding the type of synaptic feedback that aesthetics give.

The words, and only the words themselves. Because as long as there are words, there is essence.